There can be no deep disappointment where there is no deep love. - Martin Luther King. Jr.

By fireiceandallthingsnice - August 16, 2017

It's really funny and admirable at the same time, how growing up gives you a new perspective on love. I don't just mean romantic love, but all kinds of love that exists. I realized over the years some people drifted away from my life, in some cases, I am glad that happened. But for the most part, it just happened, I didn't realize putting any conscious effort. In fact, I think this is a result of not putting any effort ๐Ÿ˜›Having said that I am not complaining nor am I depressed about it. In fact, I am indifferent about it or maybe not and that is the reason I write about it.



                                                                    
Chapter One:

We were in the car talking about all that life is and all that went by. I remember us talking so much that the cab driver reprimanded us for not keeping an eye on the route and told us to be a bit alert.

Everything felt normal like the good old days in between the banter, gossip and all the catching up.
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 Again, we were in the car and we were comparatively quiet than last time, I was feeling very tired from what I remember. I did notice some unsaid distance but continued talking as I always did.
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Suddenly, I notice a different virtual you. Your words, your reactions and the way you were, seems to be completely different than the way I knew you. Somehow, I feel this is just a facade, and you are just the same within.It made me so uncomfortable that for few days I couldn't think about anything else, but about the struggle, you might have gone through. In this dilemma, I wrote a poem about you.

Noorie, O Noorie,
You were fierce yet naive.
Unsure of your being, yet very kind.
you had your flaws, yet so unconfined.
Come off the closet and shake off all that is not you.
You, my friend of all, were a sense of sanity when everyone was so vain in vanity,
the curtains have changed, the paint is bold and beautiful,
you look so similar to someone we not knew.
the core of my being strives to see the real you,
O Noorie, call me to tell all that you went through,
Just so I know, how bad the world was to you?
to change the ways and become the best version of u,
Like the one, we could see through! 
                                           
I called you, you picked up the phone. "I am in a meeting, will call you later" is what you told. You never called back, and I chose to let you be.
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Chapter Two:
I was showing a card I made for my brother to everyone in my office. You saw that and all other things maybe and told me you saw a sister in me just the way you wished for. I was very happy, who wouldn't be? You wrote an email stating the reasons what made you see a sister in me and I replied stating how I felt about it.
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I called you to join me for lunch once. You happily joined and later messaged me saying you felt really happy and that I should call you more often.
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It was some holiday. You messaged me something, reading it I called you. You cut my call each time I called you. That was it after this we never spoke.
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I had a minor tiff with one of our common friends, and like now, those days I vented out my anger by writing a post on my old blog. You read it and informed the friend about it. We exchanged some really argumentative messages and the result was not good.
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You sent an email to our entire batch narrating a horrible experience with the company transport. I replied to your email. (You did not acknowledge).
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You sent another email to our entire batch asking for gift suggestions. I replied to this email as well, you did not acknowledge.
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Ironically, both of us shared the same last date in our first company. We both were standing in the same queue, to hand over the company laptop. We didn't speak or acknowledge each other.
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I sent my marriage invitation to all our batch mates who were saved in my Gmail contacts. So, this meant I included you too. You sent a reply which was business like and rude. I felt really bad reading it. But then I chose not to react and let you be, as honestly, I did not have any reason to be angry or keep a grudge with you. Till date, I do not know why we stopped talking.
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It had been almost a year since the email conversation and I got a WhatsApp message from an unknown number. It was you. You asked me "Why did I stop speaking to you?" and we realized there was no real answer for it. I expected you to have an answer but even that day I didn't get one. You apologized for the email reply and that very moment I realized, me not reacting to your harsh words, kept the door way open for the chat we had that day. ๐Ÿ™‚
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This experience will always be a reminder for me, to not react in situations where it is easy to. But just accept other people's decisions and choices. My biggest inability is, of not being able to maintain a relationship, specifically which needs effort. There could be multiple reasons for it, one of the reasons I think which largely contributes to this is that, I never share my problems with anyone, and I try to come out of it in isolation. I realized, I lost touch with some people, while I was busy dealing with my problems. Some tried really hard to be in contact, but I may have driven them away. And so when I reached out to them, they had already different priorities in life, which is absolutely fine and so when I realize this fact I do not bother them any further and let them be.

On a lighter note, if any of you have seen the Koffee with Karan episode ft. Anushka sharma and katrina kaif , you will understand what I mean. I could totally relate to the way they explained their friendship.

P.S: All the stories narrated above are not so short and simple as they seem, and may have years of backstory. I am in no way trying to show anyone in poor light if it has come across that way, rather, I feel it highlights one of my many weaknesses. I am just too lazy and incapable of keeping everyone happy with me. I have accepted this truth and so I 'd rather let people make the choices and accept them with all my heart. And for those who still continue to accept this way of love, I think somewhere they themselves are similar at their core, so it works both ways.

Quote: Words can hurt or heal, what did yours do today?

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6 comments

  1. To all the unwritten chapters in this blog and within each of our lives..it was magical to have you and it was unfortunate to see things turn this way ..you remain in our prayers..for love is kind and patient
    Preeti you are a force to reckon with ...this blog moved me a lot ..not just the honesty the realness was way beyond compare...keep writing ...we need to find our own peace in this chaos and what better way then to learn in this way from each other....May pen be your might always!

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  2. From the morning I was thinking what should I comment on this blog bcoz I was out of words .....I realised from this blog that "pen is mightier than sword" (Just taking a reference from su) Also this reminds me that u r such a hopeful person :-) keep writing

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  3. M awestruck...I always tell u that ur writing is so full of life (although u don't bloody believe it ��)... THIS is going to be my 2 fav blog of urs!!! (not that I don't like others ��)... m soo Soo proud of you Patinghi!! ������

    PS - I tempted to print this blog and personally deliver it to certain someone (I think I might just do it ��)

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  4. Well this one is my favourite too.I must admit I have never come across any article where one is putting forward one's weakness,one's feelings in such a beautiful manner.
    Accepting others indifference towards yourself is in itself a difficult task to do but after reading your blog it seems to be so easy.

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  5. Beautiful writing.. Every experience, every moment, every feeling is conveyed so well. I loved reading it. I am sure this is something we all experience. But we cannot express it the way you can. Well done.

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  6. Glorious piece of writing that I must acknowledge,that I do!!The words you spoke sailed through the horizons of realism and honesty.Pity the above persons mentioned for losing/not understanding a gem of person like you.After all it is correctly quoted by someone that there is a cure for a being diseased but not for being a cunt.Anyways loss is theirs,you keep going strong with your mesmerizing enchanted honest piece of literature.And in general we must all remember that "One mustn't draw a cheque through his mouth which his tail can't encash". Let the love flow through personal touch after all even sorrows are monetized by Google AdSense.Cheers,waiting for more.

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